New Year, New Rules

On the last day of our vacation, Alan & I spent a good portion of the day putting the house back in order. Gifts were out, laundry needed to be done, and we were in need of a general straightening up. As we worked our way through the house, we made our way into Seth's room. (Insert general sigh here...) Oh, that boy. Now, let me be the first to admit that I was NOT a neat child. My room was always in total disarray, and "cleaning my room" usually translated to taking things out, only to end up distracted and playing. Seth is very similar to me in this way, although I think he tends to lean more on the side of dirty than disorganized.

Over the past couple of years, Alan & I have reached varying levels of frustration with toys left out all over the house, things being lost or broken, toilets not being flushed (!) and just a general sense of chaos. We have implemented a variety of strategies to help correct this behavior, and have had periods of success. However, with Seth now being 7 1/2 years old, it is truly time to instil these behaviors as a regular part of his daily life. So, while Seth was at school yesterday, we developed a strategy for 2012.

The first thing was to formalize our family rules. While we have general guidelines for our home, we had never taken the time to discuss specifics as a family, and write them down. In an effort to keep things simple, we came up with 7 rules that cover a range of behaviors. The rules were transferred to poster board and are hanging on the wall. Once we have lived with the rules for awhile, and are certain that we don't need to adjust them, we will create a pretty, printed version that will become a part of our home.

I also sat down and created three lists of tasks for Seth - one for the morning, after school, and the evening. Over dinner, we reviewed the lists, and added a couple of extra things that Seth thought needed to be included. The lists were then transferred to poster board, and hung on his bedroom wall. The hope is that Seth will be able to look at these lists every day to help him remember what responsibilities he has in our house.

Morning:	After School:	Evening:
1.       Get dressed (with socks) 2.       Make bed 3.       Throw away any trash 4.       Eat breakfast 5.       Put away dishes 6.       Wipe up crumbs/mess 7.       Brush teeth & brush hair 8.       Shoes on	1.       Change clothes 2.       Kung fu uniform in backpack 3.       Lunchbox on counter 4.       Hang up jacket & backpack 5.       Shoes on closet door 6.       Homework	1.       Take bath 2.       Clothes in hamper 3.       Towel on hook 4.       Shower curtain closed 5.       Toilet flushed 6.       Brush teeth 7.       Put away toothbrush, etc. 8.       Sink rinsed out 9.       Check on tadpoles 10.   Pray

As we explained to Seth, these are the tasks that are expected of him. He does not earn anything for making his bed, for example, it is simply expected of him as a contributing member of our family. Likewise, Daddy doesn't earn anything for taking out the trash, that is simply a task that must be done regularly, and he is the person who handles the job. However, if one of us neglects our tasks, there are consequences.

We also created a list of additional tasks that need to be done on a regular basis. While Seth isn't expected to complete these, if he volunteers to do one, he earns 10 minutes of electronics time on the weekend. These jobs run the gamut, and include simple things like "get the mail" and "feed Clover", to more in-depth tasks like "clean the living room windows" and "give Marco a bath." Although we are less than 24 hours into this experiment, he woke-up motivated this morning. He completed all of the tasks on his morning list (with just a little encouragement to make his bed neater), and offered to feed the cat (an optional task). I'm hoping that the incentive of earning time with his DS or the I-Pod will entice him to complete his daily tasks, and help out more around the house.

We will see if this practice helps bring more structure into our daily lives. However, even if that structure is temporary, the practice itself was valuable. The discussions we had as a family were really good. We talked about examples of good & bad behaviors that would apply to each rule, we discussed what we expected from each other, and we came to an agreement on 7 guiding principles for our house. All in all, it was a great exercise, and I am really content with our final rules. 

The past few weeks have been hectic, filled with holiday-prep and sneaking around doing various elfin projects. It may be a poor excuse, but that is my reason for being absent these past two week - holiday secrets!

A couple of weeks ago, in one of my many online shopping trips, I found a book that I wanted to buy for Seth & I to read together. After trips to three (!) area bookstores, I found what I was looking for:

Click here for more info

We've been reading this every morning for the past week, and have really enjoyed it. Like the name says, the devotions are short and simple. When I wake up, I call Seth to come and join me (he is, by nature, a VERY early riser, and is already up and dressed). We snuggle in bed, and read the devotion together. The lessons are short, and consist of a kid-friendly translation of scripture, a "real-life" analogy and application section, and then a 2-3 sentence prayer that applies the days lesson. The format is great, and we typically spend about 10-15 minutes reading and talking each morning. It has been such a great addition to our morning routine, and I'm hoping that we are able to maintain the practice throughout the year.

There are many (many, many, many) options for kids when it comes to Bible study, devotions, real-life applications, etc., but" Day by Day" stood out for many reasons, and I'm glad that I went with this one. First of all, I love that the lessons are meant to be short. While we take longer than the 7 minutes implied by the title, I was specifically looking for something that we could do in the mornings before school, without adding stress or a "let's get this done so we can go" type of feeling. These lessons fit the bill perfectly. Also, when I looked at the book, the first lesson I saw fit Seth perfectly...

"Laughing and playing with friends can be fun. Being with your family can be fun too. But when no one else is around, it's easy to get lonely and sad. Jacob felt lonely until God showed him that he wasn't really alone."

This is something that the Peanut struggles with. He loves to be around his family, and it is tough for him that he is always apart from someone...when he is with us, he misses his mother, and when he is with her, he misses us. At age 7, we still maintain a pallet on the floor of our bedroom, where Seth can be found every morning. He typically wanders in around 2am, just wanting to be in the same room as us. We welcome this, and I always want my children to know that if they need me, I am available - even if that means just being in the same room. This lesson reinforced what we always tell Seth - you are never alone.

2011 school pic (with vampire costume bow)

I'm excited about continuing the lessons, and to time spent in bed with my little man, talking through things that will help us both grow in our faith. Because, really, who wouldn't want to spend more time with that guy? :-)

Make It A Great Day - Ask Good Questions!

"Make it a great day; ask good questions!" Those are typically the last words out of my mouth as I drop Seth off at school. Last Spring, I heard a piece on NPR that made me shift from the standard "have a great day" into this, more purposeful version. It subtly reminds us that we are, in fact, the sole person in charge of our day. Regardless of the circumstances, we have the opportunity to make it a good day or a bad day. It is my hope that those little words stick with Seth throughout the day, helping to shape his attitude and outlook in the classroom and with friends.

This realization came to me after hearing a piece on NPR discussing the Nobel Prize winning physicist, Issac Isador Rabi. Despite the fact that I have no idea who he is or what he did (until now...thank you Wikipedia), I remember one piece of the segment. Rabi attributes a great amount of success to his mother. He remembers that as a child, his mother refrained from immediately asking him if he answered questions correctly at school, his grades on assignments, or if he had completed his homework. Instead, she would ask him the same question every day - "Did you ask any good questions today?"
 

Issac Isador Rabi - he asked good questions

That stopped me in my tracks. What a simple, yet powerful statement from a mother. I've read that kids ask an average of 120 questions per day, as compared to an average of 5 from adults.Not only was Rabi's mother encouraging him to ask questions, she was reminding him that they needed to be the right questions. What a great way to shape your child's frame of reference.

So, today I challenge you to ask a great question! What will it be?